Blue Man Syndrome

So, there is this problem in Pakistani culture, we produce only two types of men when it comes to fixing things around the house, 1) the guy who can do nothing around the house and has to hire someone or con friends into doing anything for them and then there is the 2) my husband - the guy who believes, truly believes (this will be important later) that he can do anything and everything around the house without the requiste knowledge and pre-requiste experience because god forbid he have to pay anyone to do this.

Case in point:

Kasim and I had an arguement over saturday night, nothing big just a dumb arguement over something completely random, the type of fight that you dont even have to talk about afterwards because you wont agree anwyays and the fight will just re start- and since the topic is anywyas so dumb whats the point. So we go to sleep on Saturday night, a little tossing and turning, and horse breathing deal letting the other person know ur upset but ur not really upset enough to do anything but be passive aggressive about it(anyone who is married/engaged knows what I am talking about). So randomly on Sunday, when Kasim goes back to being my Kasi...just randomly menitons he is going to head out for about 20 mins and will be back in time to pick me up downstairs for our dinner date...im like huh?? where you going?? and he is like "oh Ive decided to re-tile this up coming weekend, so I gotta meet this guy." Now, remember at this point, we are not fighting anymore, nor are we at all mad at each other, or even still slightly, minisculey upset with each other..

HUH?? WHAT??

Yeah, thats KAsim for you.. Of course, we have talked about re-tiling since we bought this place, that was one of the main things we wanted done in our place...we've even been to a few shops, done some pricing, we have even had the WE CANT DO THIS OURSELVES CONVERSATION AND NEED TO HIRE SOMETHING!!! All of this has been done, but now my husband (who btw travels about 3 weeks of the month) is going to re-tile the entire floor by himself in one weekend. At first, being as sane as a I am, totally thought this was some passive aggressive attempt at petty revenge, but then I remembered that we had kiss and made up... ARGH!! this was just Kasim acting out his Blue Man Syndrome..

Now, any kids who grew up in the middle east and lived on compounds know about the blue men.. My brother could watch for hours from our dining room window while the blue men worked.. What are the blue men?? Well the maintenance staff on the compound all wore these blue coveralls while they worked, so we nick named them the blue men, they did everything, gardening, pool maintenance, getting rid of dead birds in ur house, fixing lightbulbs, installing anything and yes TILING! When Hassan was a baby one of our quickest ways of dealing with him was to stick him on a chair in front of the window while the blue men cleaned the pool, it was free babysitting for about 3 hrs... I am sure there are some residual developmental issues that hassan faces for that neglect but whatever... the point is Hassan wanted to a be a blue man then, and my husband wants to be a blue man now!!! ARGH ARGH ARGH!! my life!!

Did I mention that the current flooring will have to be stripped and the surface underneath stripped of the current glue. I MEAN COMMON how can this be a project that Kasim actually and truly believes he can accomplish..I just for the life of me dont get it..I must be missing the point...Ok, now if I knew this was my husbands passion and he was dying to tile the house, I would be supportive, Id be upset but id be supportive...but I know its not this...its just the blue man syndrome, Kasim thinks if that guy can do it so can I!! Yes, but that guy has fifteen years of experience, my husband gets tired taking all four of our suitcases off the conveyor belt at the airport... No, Kasim is totally only thinking, and yes for those disbelievers I CAN SO KNOW WHAT MY HUSBAND IS THINKING (its a little gift God gives to women once they marry men for all the shit we put up with- we get to know what our hubbies are thinking) Anyways, Kasim in typical desi fashion is type 2) I can fix it! I can do it! ARGH ARGH ARGH MY LIFE

I know its awful, I am actually rooting for my husband to fail at this task, and not just fail but fail miserably....I mean jsut fall flat on ur face,god awful fail....not because I want to say I told you so but because it will squash the blue man syndrome... and yes, it must be squashed....this is my house goddamit....

Well, Kasim just got home with his rented equipement from Home Depot....the descent to madness has begun!

off to save my floors,
S.