Back in Calgary...
but am I back home?? Wierd feeling actually... I dont know really... there used to be this time that when my plane would touch down and land I would be straining my neck to get a glimpse of home.....my heart would race with the desire to be through customs... my breath would always catch at that first sight of those lights in saudi...or those row after row of houses in TO... but this time...I just sat back and waited for it to end... dont know why...
Calgary isnt home... there is no history here...no real memories here... dont get me wrong.. I love my place, my couch, my bed, my throw....ahh my bed... but its just not a home.... its just a place Kasim and I have decided to stop for a little while on the journey of our lives... perhaps it felt even that much more bereft this time...because I was coming from Lahore... which this time for the first time...felt like a home for me... as we landed...it wasnt just my husband who was staring out of the window....totally dying to just have landed already... even I was excited as I exited the airport and I saw our whole family waiting for us...it was great! We went home...and I went up to my bedroom...mine..and it felt like mine... there was the excited chatter of a family meeting after so long...snippets of conversations everywhere...with everyone simultaneously... there were gifts to exchange...stories to quickly share....
I gues Im just a little morose as its the middle of the night and I am severly suffering through jet lag..which in my entire life has never been this bad..... I know that we paint this rosy pic of pakistan when we go back and that life there is tough...really tough... but i dont know there is something to be said for life there... who knows... there has to be a reason so many have run so far away from it.....and I dont deny that at all..not one bit... there are serious problems there...no helping it and no changing that...but it gets my blood boiling when I hear peopl talk about Pakistan like its the worst place in the world..and that everything in the west is just amazing... be a little realistic...do we honestly want kids who cant speak urdu...who hate the thought of paki food...who find the thought of pakistan repulsive... and dont tell me that you can raise kids in Canada/USA with a total love of pakistan..its just not possible.....Im not saying kids from pakistan are better..... but just...they speak urdu...they know what it means to go for chaat, what the rangna wala does.... where to go for the best paans... its just nostalgia I know, but honestly I cant begin to tell you how much I hate people who leave it behind and then think they are so much better then anything back there...Im not saying everyone move back..and that is the only life... no... thats just stupid...but dont deny the reality that there is a good life to be had in pakistan...
I dont know.... I guess this trip just finalized for Kasim and I that we do not belong here... this is not and I dont think it will ever be our home... our home awaits us somewhere else... who knows where that is?? but its out there...for kasim and I to find.... maybe its Pakistan, maybe its not...
**shrug**
S.
Calgary isnt home... there is no history here...no real memories here... dont get me wrong.. I love my place, my couch, my bed, my throw....ahh my bed... but its just not a home.... its just a place Kasim and I have decided to stop for a little while on the journey of our lives... perhaps it felt even that much more bereft this time...because I was coming from Lahore... which this time for the first time...felt like a home for me... as we landed...it wasnt just my husband who was staring out of the window....totally dying to just have landed already... even I was excited as I exited the airport and I saw our whole family waiting for us...it was great! We went home...and I went up to my bedroom...mine..and it felt like mine... there was the excited chatter of a family meeting after so long...snippets of conversations everywhere...with everyone simultaneously... there were gifts to exchange...stories to quickly share....
I gues Im just a little morose as its the middle of the night and I am severly suffering through jet lag..which in my entire life has never been this bad..... I know that we paint this rosy pic of pakistan when we go back and that life there is tough...really tough... but i dont know there is something to be said for life there... who knows... there has to be a reason so many have run so far away from it.....and I dont deny that at all..not one bit... there are serious problems there...no helping it and no changing that...but it gets my blood boiling when I hear peopl talk about Pakistan like its the worst place in the world..and that everything in the west is just amazing... be a little realistic...do we honestly want kids who cant speak urdu...who hate the thought of paki food...who find the thought of pakistan repulsive... and dont tell me that you can raise kids in Canada/USA with a total love of pakistan..its just not possible.....Im not saying kids from pakistan are better..... but just...they speak urdu...they know what it means to go for chaat, what the rangna wala does.... where to go for the best paans... its just nostalgia I know, but honestly I cant begin to tell you how much I hate people who leave it behind and then think they are so much better then anything back there...Im not saying everyone move back..and that is the only life... no... thats just stupid...but dont deny the reality that there is a good life to be had in pakistan...
I dont know.... I guess this trip just finalized for Kasim and I that we do not belong here... this is not and I dont think it will ever be our home... our home awaits us somewhere else... who knows where that is?? but its out there...for kasim and I to find.... maybe its Pakistan, maybe its not...
**shrug**
S.
4 Comments:
wow weee
i loved it sobs
By
Anonymous, at 7:17 AM
I think you are right in most of your blog about Pakistan being lovely and tough, but those who leave it behind and think the west is the best are the ones who most probably come from the lower middle classes of pakistan, who have put their hearts and minds into studying, but cannot for the life of them get a job and have to work as a driver or a beyra to make a living and support their loved ones! So for them to work and save and then to be able to buy a house or to be equal to a banker or raise their children to think they can achieve all they ever hoped for...the west is the best! But for the rest of us who had it really good there, the west can never compare to our lives there! We miss the vibe, the drives, the food, and mostly our families.
By
Anonymous, at 7:22 AM
Hey Sobs, long time, just read your last blog on pakistan and i have to disagree with what you said. It is possible to grow up in north america and have a love for pakistan. My university is filled with pak-canadians that wear pakistan cricket jersey's to class, eat biryani without caring what other people think of the smell, and most importantly people who try to speak urdu. They love and are proud of their culture. Most of the Pak-canadians here know more about pakistan politics and social affairs that the locals do. I know more people from here that went to north pakistan for the earthquake than i know from there. My friends are always counting the days they will be on that flight that takes them to pakistan. I feel you are basing your opinions on the kids we grew up with in the middle east. Keep in mind, they arent from North America, they are from the middle east. I would say they are a totally different breed of pakistanis than those from the middle east. Pakistanis that grow up in North America, are way more proud than theyre middle eastern counterparts. Well thats my two cents. Keep in touch.
By
Shaker, at 4:08 AM
Sobs, Nice to see you posting again, I have started writing again, after a long hiatus. Keep writing.
By
rachna, at 3:56 PM
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